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The mis-adventure into my "golfing career," started for me, when I was in the U.S. Air Force, as there were six of us who worked in the procurement office, at the radar site where I was stationed.  Four of the six people in the office played golf at the time.  I didn't play, because I didn't know how to...I knew nothing about golf.  And every Monday morning...without fail...it was the same old broken record...all I heard was golf...golf...and more golf!  It would drive me crazy!

I told these guys, that I didn't think the game of golf was that difficult!  It looked pretty simple to me...hit the ball out in this big pasture...chase it...hit the ball again...hit it again...knock the ball in the hole...what can be so difficult about that?  BIG DEAL!

."Okay, Mr. Golf, (i was told), if you think golf is so easy...why don't you come out this week-end, and show us all how to play the game!"  I've always liked a good challenge, so I responded, "Well...I've never been out there on that big pasture before, and I hope none of you get mad if I show all of you up!"  I gladly took up the invitation, and now I would see for myself what this game of golf was really all about.  The four of us met at the golf course on Saturday morning.  At this point, I didn't know one golf club in the bag...from a country club or a night club.  So, I was a little nervous...because I wondered if I had opened up another can of worms with my BIG MOUTH again!

"I'll show you guys a thing or two about the game of golf!  No
warm-up for me...let's just get started!"

Hole #1 (tee shot) I hit the ball hard, but as they call it in golf, I hit it sharply to the right, a slice, which is technically called a "banana" in the golf world!  I said hello to the rough, and I would be doing so all morning long...something I was not looking forward to.  I eventually got the ball up on the green and finished the hole.

Hole #2:  (tee shot)  Again...I took a healthy swing, and I was looking for the ball down the fairway someplace...hopefully...about 300 yards down...but it wasn't to be.  I knobed the ball...topped it...and it trickled down from the tee and off to the right...down the hill only about 10-12 yards!  (blush-blush)  Needless to say, I did not get off to a good start in the game of golf.

Hole #3;  (tee shot)  There was a fence off to the right of the fairway, which was out of bounds.  I hit my "banana" toward the right, and it bounced over the fence, and into a church parking lot.  (My ball decided to go to church on a Saturday instead of a Sunday)  Oh well...it was the first ball I lost...and little did I know that I would lose more golf balls while playing this &^%$#@ game!
                               Hole #4;  The misery worsened, as my tee shot went in the other.
                               direction, which in golf is called a "hook," and now I have two
                               hooks and two bananas!  I hit my ball into the spinich of course,
                               and my second shot went across the fairway and into the cabbage patch!  But, I was closer to the green...which made no difference...

Hole #5;  On the tee, I hit what is know in golf as a "worm-burner," meaning that the ball doesn't get up into the air at all.  The ball just s-w-s-h-h-h-h-h-e-s along the top of the grass, and with the moisture of the grass, doesn't go very far!  The frustration is starting to show on my face, and the guys are having a good time watching me suffer!

Hole #6;  Another good and long tee shot, but again, into the rough...and I hit a tree this time.  My second shot went over the green and into the fairway next door!  (who invented this stupid game!)  Wasn't this stupid game invented by somebody on the other side of the great pond who speak that "funny English?"

Hole #7;  Next...a par three hole.  The hole was shorter, so I thought
I would do better, but I didn't!  On my tee shot went into the sand trap
in front of the green.  It took me five shots to get out of that sandtrap!
I was furious!  My chip shot was supposed to go into the hole, but it went over the green and into the trap on the other side!  I chipped out of the trap...and the ball rolled over the green and went into the trap I just came out of!  I got a 16 on this hole! 

Hole #8;  Same old story on this hole...into the cabbage on the left side!  Ker-plunck...my second shot found the water hazard in front of the green and went in for a swim!  Another lost ball...that was the fourth ball I lost!  The laughter from the guys was deafening! 

Hole #9; (Tee shot) Nobody ever believes me when this story about the ninth tee shot, but it's true!  As we turned the corner, on the first nine holes, the wind was blowing in our face, and was probably gusting over 30mph.  When I teed off, I must have gotten under the ball, and hit the ball straight up in the air...and I hit it so high...the wind got a hold of it...and carried it back and it landed about 10-15 yards BEHIND me...that's right!  True story!

Down the rough I zig-zagged...and on my ninth shot, I got the ball in the fairway just in front of the green!  This is when I hit my best shot to the flag...my ball rolled over the green and into a ditch someplace...but, my divot landed about 6 inches from the cup!  YAHOO!  Eat your heart out Arnold, Nancy and Tiger...YAHOO!

The first nine holes were over now, and I knew I wouldn't continue on the back nine.  The guys said I was holding them back...can you believe that?  Anyway time to add up the score...and the results were as follows:  Of my nine tee shots...in the front nine...all of them landed in the spinich or cabbage patch; went over the fence out of bounds;  one ball bounced down the street and into a used car lot.  I didn't hit any fairways; I hit two fairways, but none of them were mine; I hit three trees that were planted in the wrong place; I lost 4 balls; my high score on any one hole was 17; my low was 9; I hit two worm-burners; I hit one ball behind me...other than that, I think I had a pretty good round of golf for my first time! 

I should have brought my calculator...let's see...what the score is...m-m-m-m- carry your one...carry the 4...111 is what I shot for nine holes of play.  My score was high because of all the laughter was interfering with my concentration!  (yeah, right)

                                       You probably wondered what my opinion of this wonderful
                                       game called golf  9&^%%%%$stut&^!@WE#$@$#$$
                                       expletive...do educated people really play this stupid game
                                       to relax! 
My articles published 200+ websites
"The only difference between a good day and a bad day is your attitude."  Dennis Brown
.Get inspired...get motivated...get going!
Copyright; Jerry Aragon; 2007
All Rights Reserved
To all the young people out there...STAY IN SCHOOL!
Jerry Aragon/The Humor Doctor           humordoctormd@gmail.com
Main Street/Front Page                         Free Stuff/Come see
Site Map/site contents                          The Creative Center
Writers Section                                     The Humor Clinic
The Funny Farm                                   Book: BumpyRoad of Life