Hole #4; The misery worsened, as my tee shot went in the other.
direction, which in golf is called a "hook," and now I have two
hooks and two bananas! I hit my ball into the spinich of course,
and my second shot went across the fairway and into the cabbage patch! But, I was closer to the green...which made no difference...
Hole #5; On the tee, I hit what is know in golf as a "worm-burner," meaning that the ball doesn't get up into the air at all. The ball just s-w-s-h-h-h-h-h-e-s along the top of the grass, and with the moisture of the grass, doesn't go very far! The frustration is starting to show on my face, and the guys are having a good time watching me suffer!
Hole #6; Another good and long tee shot, but again, into the rough...and I hit a tree this time. My second shot went over the green and into the fairway next door! (who invented this stupid game!) Wasn't this stupid game invented by somebody on the other side of the great pond who speak that "funny English?"
Hole #7; Next...a par three hole. The hole was shorter, so I thought
I would do better, but I didn't! On my tee shot went into the sand trap
in front of the green. It took me five shots to get out of that sandtrap!
I was furious! My chip shot was supposed to go into the hole, but it went over the green and into the trap on the other side! I chipped out of the trap...and the ball rolled over the green and went into the trap I just came out of! I got a 16 on this hole!
Hole #8; Same old story on this hole...into the cabbage on the left side! Ker-plunck...my second shot found the water hazard in front of the green and went in for a swim! Another lost ball...that was the fourth ball I lost! The laughter from the guys was deafening!
Hole #9; (Tee shot) Nobody ever believes me when this story about the ninth tee shot, but it's true! As we turned the corner, on the first nine holes, the wind was blowing in our face, and was probably gusting over 30mph. When I teed off, I must have gotten under the ball, and hit the ball straight up in the air...and I hit it so high...the wind got a hold of it...and carried it back and it landed about 10-15 yards BEHIND me...that's right! True story!
Down the rough I zig-zagged...and on my ninth shot, I got the ball in the fairway just in front of the green! This is when I hit my best shot to the flag...my ball rolled over the green and into a ditch someplace...but, my divot landed about 6 inches from the cup! YAHOO! Eat your heart out Arnold, Nancy and Tiger...YAHOO!
The first nine holes were over now, and I knew I wouldn't continue on the back nine. The guys said I was holding them back...can you believe that? Anyway time to add up the score...and the results were as follows: Of my nine tee shots...in the front nine...all of them landed in the spinich or cabbage patch; went over the fence out of bounds; one ball bounced down the street and into a used car lot. I didn't hit any fairways; I hit two fairways, but none of them were mine; I hit three trees that were planted in the wrong place; I lost 4 balls; my high score on any one hole was 17; my low was 9; I hit two worm-burners; I hit one ball behind me...other than that, I think I had a pretty good round of golf for my first time!
I should have brought my calculator...let's see...what the score is...m-m-m-m- carry your one...carry the 4...111 is what I shot for nine holes of play. My score was high because of all the laughter was interfering with my concentration! (yeah, right)
You probably wondered what my opinion of this wonderful
game called golf 9&^%%%%$stut&^!@WE#$@$#$$
expletive...do educated people really play this stupid game