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Jerry Aragon/The Humor Doctor           humordoctormd@gmail.com
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My articles published 200+ websites
The English Language is all "Greek" to Me!
This is a family website
For your mission, if you decide to accept it, is to construct a complete sentence with one of the following words, their; there; they're.  Should you fail, you shall go straight to jail; you will not pass GO...and you will not collect $200.00!  Good luck! 

I'm Hispanic, and I grew in the worst part of Albuquerque, New Mexico (USA), where BOTH sides of the railroad tracks, were the wrong side to come from.  Just three doors down from the railroad yards, which everyone knows that railroads are dangerous, filthy, and noisy places!

The neighborhood was mostly Hispanic and Black, and it was a place where fear ruled!  I lived in this dreadful neighborhood for fourteen years of my life, and during this time, I was always looking over my shoulder, which was a way of life for me!  Gangs; drunks; prostitutes drug dealers; miss-fits; winos; beggars; and hobos who would jump off the trains and comb the neighborhoods for food and money!  Other than that, this was a nice place for a young kid to grow up!

During this time in my life, I didn't speak the English language well (still don't), and because of this, I had to learn how to speak the language at a young age.  I spoke a mixture of English and Spanish, which is called Spang-lish, and I made words up
as I went along, etc.

                  When I was fourteen, my family moved out of this black hole,
                  and into the heights of Albuquerque, where the housing
                  division was named "Snow Heights," and it was appropriate
                  because it was mostly a White neighborhood.  And, coming
                  from a mostly Hispanic and Black neighborhood, this was
                  certainly a culture shock for me!  Kids can be rude and
                  tough, when it comes to teasing, and kids teased me all the
                  time, because I didn't speak English well. 

So, speaking Spanish was put on the back-burner, as I had to concentrate on learning to speak and write English.  But, being able to understand and speak Spanish, has always been of benefit to me.  The most terrible thing about not speaking English well, was when I had to participate in a class discussion or give an oral book report.  I was devastated the first time I got in front of the class and did a book report!  Kids were sneering and laughing at me, and this would have an affect on me in the future.  The problem would plague me throughout middle school and high school

Month by month and year by year, I would listen to others speak, and I learned from them how words were pronounced.  I wanted to learn to speak and write the English language as well as I could, but I knew it would be a tough road.  Writing the English language was not so tough on me, because only my teacher would see my work, etc.

Many years later, when I was in my forties, I completed two writing correspondence courses, and a creative writing class at the University of New Mexico, to try to improve my writing skills.  I wanted to pursue writing in the future and to write articles and a book I'm working on.  Writing si something I can do until I hang up my sneakers, and computers today make it much easier.  By completing the two writing courses, it gave me confidence to put up my website without hesitation, etc. 
In writing my final paper for one of the correspondence courses, I wrote a spoof on the English language, and it was rejected by my instructor.  My instructor has a Ph.D in communications, probably loves the written word, and apparently didn't find anything amusing about the piece.  I have been in the humor business for over 40 years, and I find the English language humorous at timesl...when spoken and written.
When kids are growing up and learn to speak the English language, it can be hilarious!  An example, was when my son  Jason, was growing up and he was about 3 to 4 years old, and I'll share with you how he spoke and destroyed the English language all by himelf.  Maybe, you'll find a few things amusing about how he talked back then.  For example:

For the word "cereal," Jason would pronounce it, "sillio;" the name of the city, "San Franscisco," he would say, "Sanchez-frisco"; the word "watermellon," he would say, "meller-mellon;" the word "helicopter," Jason would say, "hopter-copter;" the words "Christmas tree," Jason would say, "mimis tree;" the words, "potato chips," he would say, chater-chips," the old television series, Startsky and Hutch, Jason would call it, "Starchy and Hutch."  If someone would mow the lawn, Jason would call it, "lawn-mowring."  If someone wants something to drink, that person would probably say, "I want something to drink."  But, not Jason...he would say, "me want sompin to wink!"  Jason not only destroyed the English language, but he would make up words as he went along!

*           *          *

How can a person look up a word in the dictionary, if a person doesn't know how to spell the word?  Webster, help my out!

* fonetic; Where did you learn to spell, Jer?  The word is spelled, Phonetic

* Filladelfia fillies;  Sorry, Jer...the words are spelled, Philadelphia Phillies

* Zerox; (copy machine) You spelled it wrong, Jer.  The word is spelled, xerox.

* numonia; Wrong again, Jer.  The word is spelled Pneumonia 

* Just a reminder, Jer, your failing the speling bee and your're grammer is terible. 

* New Jersey;  Spell it like it sounds.  If you live in New Jersey, it's New Joisey!

* New York:  Again, how is it pronounced?  New Yolk

*  Spell "window";  In the south, it's pronounced, "winder " and that's the way it's spelled.  Wrong, Jer

* Plummer; The word is spelled, plumber, Jer.  I spelled it like it sounds, Bubba!

* Spell Boston, a city in Massachusetts.  In Boston, it's spelled, Baston...isn't it?
  Have you ever visited Baston?

* Pill:  in the south, the word is pronounced, "peel" and spelled the same way.

* Texas; In Texas, the word is reversed, and pronounced and spelled, "Taxes."

* Taxes:  In Taxes, this word is pronounced Texas.

* Door; In the south, this word is pronounced and spelled, Doe or Do take your choice.  Example:  Will somebody please close the doe!

* Fillibuster: wrong;  the word is spelled, Philibuster.

Slang:  Why don't we add a little slang to the language to spice it up a bit:  airhead; babyboomer; barf; bazillion; bod; bonkers; booboo; booze; bread (money); brewski; shut-eye; cheesy; cool (excellent); couch potato; foxy; hunk; dorky; el cheapo; fender-bender; flaky; flick; freebie; gek; go bannanas; shake your groove-thing; birthday suit; what's the skinny?; but it in a box; hang it on your ear; sit on it; you made your bed...

If you think the English language is screwy, take a look at your medicine cabinet.  Medications you can't pronounce or even right...write?  omeprazole; furosemide; metophrolol; losartan; buprepion; (p-l-e-e-z-e)  I don't know how anyone can become a farmacist! 

Cathy; Kathy; Carol, Carole, Carroll, Gerry, Jerry; Ann Anne; Betty; Bette; Jo, Joe; Terry, Terri; Cheryl; Sheryl; Bobby; Bobbi; Judy, Judi, Judee; Kelli, Kelly; John, Jon; Billie, Billy; Let me see...where did I put my Prozac...or is it Prosac...I'm having a nervous brakedown!

Wright; right; rite; dear, deer; doe, dough; (Whew, I'm getting a headache) Have you weitten somebody a Deer Jon letter?  You know write from wrong, rite?

I think you can guess why Dr. McCollister didn't accept my final paper, although the paper didn't look like this.  He's from Arizona, and maybe he doesn't have much of a sense of "Yuma!"  (Get it?)  In closing, I have only one word to summarize the English language...S----------C--------R----------E-----------E-----------M!!!!!!!!!!! 
My articles published 200+ websites
"Out of the clutter...find simplicity."  Albert Einstein
.Get inspired...get motivated...get going!
Copyright; Jerry Aragon; 2007
All Rights Reserved
To all the young people out there...STAY IN SCHOOL!
Jerry Aragon/The Humor Doctor           humordoctormd@gmail.com
Main Street/Front Page                         Free Stuff/Come see
Site Map/site contents                          The Creative Center
Writers Section                                     The Humor Clinic
The Funny Farm                                   Book: BumpyRoad of Life